Saving Face

So far I’ve been pretty disappointed by how completely un-absurd the Thai people are. My favorite part of travelling is reveling in the absurdities around me, but Thailand is giving my drive to overanalyze an unwanted vacation. The Thais are just efficient and reasonable and logical people. Sigh. But don’t fret. The Thais still have their quirks.

Most pervasive, yet most invisible, is the Thai concept of saving face. This is definitely an Asian thing in general but absurdly prominent in Thai culture. Basically, anything that causes embarrassment or conflict is avoided at absolutely all costs. Sometimes this is more obvious than others – the oft-used anecdote of Thais giggling at an automobile accident, for instance. Thais try to laugh these situations off in public and (if absolutely necessary) deal with the conflict in private. This has been great for us, because as Americans we can be pretty embarrassing. Think of all the awkward and ridiculous things you end up doing as a tourist as you try to adapt to a radically different culture. Now subtract all the inevitable staring, dirty looks, and pity from passersby. In Thailand, moments of confusion and naivety get to be private instead of broadcasted. For someone like me who really values privacy and hates looking like an idiot, that aspect of saving face totally resonates with me. Saving face not only applies to embarrassment but also to arguments – we always find Thais breaking into awkward giggle fits during a debate that looks unequivocally heated. It’s certainly puzzling to have someone laugh at your obvious distress. Normal conclusions (e.g. they’re callous people or have major issues with social cues) don’t apply here. We’ve experienced this quite a lot in relation to our boss, who has given us a ton of trouble in the past couple of weeks. In some cases, we’ll be extremely upset about the situation and be further aggrieved to find her cavalierly tossing our concerns aside. Just as we’re about to call it a day and refuse to work for someone so heartless, she turns around and makes a concerted effort to give us what we want. It seems that us having a problem with her is twofold: she wants to downplay the situation for herself so that there is no conflict, but she also wants to keep us from showing anger so that we don’t lose face. To complicate matters, she also can’t confront that she’s made a mistake and is at fault. As a result, she fixes the problem for us only because she wants to maintain pride in herself for being a good, respected person. If you’re confused, don’t worry. So are we. It seems to me that a society that hinders people from using constructive criticism or calling someone out could be dysfunctional, dishonest, and unproductive, but there’s definitely more to the puzzle.  It prevents a lot of conflict and makes for a pretty peaceful society. It’s an odd balance between maintaining pride in yourself and trying equally hard not to destroy anyone else’s. Starkly different from our fend-for-yourself society! It’s fun to see how saving face plays such a huge yet subtle role in everyday life here. It’s also wildly confusing.     

Going out at night has also been something of a foreign experience. In most other countries, people tend to interact more in these situations, but the Thais very much keep to themselves. And by themselves I don’t necessarily mean their friend group, I mean they tend to sit in silence either doing nothing or on sort of electronic device. At one of our favorite bars, it’s not uncommon for people to be taking naps on the thai dining mats or just lazing around in big groups texting. Certainly a different sort of student life than I’m used to, but we obviously have yet to explore all the facets of it. So far it’s really difficult to make friends because while Thais are smiley and friendly, it’s not easy to break through that barrier of politeness into the actual friend zone. Unlike India, where people are constantly coming up to you and asking all about your life and what you’re doing that night, a Thai coming up and asking you anything at all would be absurd and generally sketchy.

In exciting news, our friend Jenna just arrived in Chiang Mai! For those of you who haven’t heard the story, basically several coincidences happened. After Ariel and I decided to move to Thailand to teach English, we found out that my roommate in India, Jenna, was planning to do the exact same thing. We ended up picking the same city as well (unless Jenna decides to leave, but seems like she’s loving it already!). My other roommate, Alex, happened to be going back to southeast asia and will be in Thailand to visit us in a couple weeks. So, a year later, we all independently chose to be in Chiang Mai all at the same time. Crazy. I’m so excited to see them and have a little reunion!